My life looks really different… I know I keep saying that, really as a reminder to myself to give thanks in all seasons. I was remembering a year ago, almost the summer of 2019… how I could hear the Lord telling me to not give up, to press on, to continue forward towards, even though it was about to cost me more than I could have ever imagined. We were planning our second women’s conference for September as well as continuing our radio ministry. I was in need of a serious vacation, but still very eager and filled with energy for the road ahead. There were very clear moments I could hear the Lord tell me to run. Run hard, run fast, keep going, do not stop… I held this verse deep within my heart, “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint…” from Isaiah 40:31. Even after our 2nd Women’s Conference in September, I remember the calendar filling up, the calls flooding in, the creativity flowing and I could still hear the Lord saying run hard, run fast, keep going, do not stop… And many well-meaning people would tell me to slow down, go slow, stop with the fast pace, you’ll burn out, dreams take time. And all of this was great advice, but I knew deep within that the Lord had told us to run. He had given me a vision of him clearing a path ahead of me; He had actually bulldozed the ground flat. And as I saw the flat land ahead of me, He said run hard, run fast, keep going, and do not stop (run and you will not grow weary). He told me to run until I saw something different. He told me not to slow down until the view had changed; the world around me would be wilderness. It would be evident, and it would be slow. Little did I know that God was seeing these days a year ago, months ago, or even weeks ago, when our entire world entered a global slow down. All I could do was obey, and go against some of the best advice of those around me, and listen only to the voice of my Father.
I understand more than ever why God told us to run… We were preparing for something we could never have even imagined was possible. I mean who ever pencils in a global shut down on our calendar of events? And I had I listened to the advice of man instead of the direction of God I would be living in the consequence of disobedience. Because we ran hard, ran fast, kept going, and did not stop we were right where we were supposed to be when our world began to look very different. Together, with a team of faithful women, we gathered women, we prayed for individuals and families, we edified the believer and we prepared for earth shaking moments that were more than events, but rather encounters with our Father. We took advantage of the flatten ground that God had prepared ahead of time and I believe that is why were prepared for ministry in the middle of a pandemic.
Now here is the truth… ministry in the middle of the Corona Virus has been difficult for everyone who has been called to shepherd flock in this season. No one, not even us, was FULLY prepared for quarantine, social distancing, a nation-wide shut down, church closures, home schooling, face masks, or gripping isolation. But we as a GtGAM Ministry Team were somewhat prepared! And because of the creativity that came with all the world closing in, and closing down, I began to see the benefit of the pace we had ran for a year. We were ready for online teaching, online preaching, connecting through social media outlets, and we were teachable and eager to learn new ways of helping the community stay encouraged and connected in the middle of life altering situations. God had truly prepared us in secret places, as well as out in the open! When I look back at the last few months I can see how God’s hand was guiding us through the wilderness. We have continued to pray for women within our community group. We began a Facebook Live Series from a bible study I wrote years ago in order to continue to teach and lead women with foundational truths. We were able to bring worship and sermons, and even added trendy ways of allowing others into our homes, even if was virtual with virtual dinner parties. And as the world fights to get to reality, we were able to see smiling faces in person at Parking Lot Tea Party. A slow, yet clear move in the right direction!
I often find myself asking, “What does the future hold, Lord?” Will we ever really be back to normal? But as a friend of mine pointed out just yesterday, what is normal? Am I just craving familiar? There are a few familiar pieces I find to my daily life, but honestly it has been more strange than familiar. Most days feel more like ground hog’s day (a day on repeat). Weekdays I find myself encouraging the kiddos at my kitchen table to do their online classes while preparing lunch and activities to help the day go by faster. I am intentional with my evening family time, and most nights I am sitting next to Ray and finding his presence enough even without conversation. There are mid-day phone calls, and preparations for online teachings. And there are moments I feel the unmotivated, as I am sure many of you have experienced. I feel the walls close and I crave a night on the town… dinner and a movie, or coffee dates with my besties. I long for a room filled with eager listeners and teachable women sitting on the edge of their seats. And some days the quiet becomes too much; and all I can do is turn up my favorite worship songs, or grab my sweet tea and sit outside and pray. There are moments like this, when I write, or rewrite, I vent, or feel vulnerable. I recognize that my life is very different. Isn’t it strange that you would be able to understand different, even though it is different from anything you’ve ever experienced? I become grateful that this season is new, slow, and same. Having this same, slow, new life has helped me appreciate what my life used to look like, but also has reset some priorities that I know I took for granted.
I know that things will probably never truly be the same as they once were. I can’t look backwards to find what God has in store for me, I must look forward. God is always moving us to places of growth and out of comfort zones to help us arrive at the promised places. And even towards things I have no idea He’s promised me… When I think of God and how he goes before us and behind us, how He truly surrounds us, I find a hope that covers my fears and even my complacent moments. Thank you Jesus for allowing this season of Sabbath, a season of rest, and a wilderness season to help me trust You completely. I look forward to the new day, but I find joy in the present.
“As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, for this time on and forever more.” Psalm 125:2