Binge watching, overeating, over indulging, addicted to social media, tempted to argue and defend my opinion on Facebook, unfollowing, unfriending, too many pieces of cake, isolated… afraid… numb… still numb… stuck…
Yup, guilty!!! No I’m not describing some invisible, unknown, person out there… I’m describing MY BATTLE within. There are days I win, and days I feel like I’m losing. Losing? What am I losing? The battle, or myself? You too? Really?
So here is the cold hard truth. My flesh wants to win… win the battle against my spirit. My flesh wants to satisfy the craving, instant gratification, comfort (oh how it longs for comfort), that sweet release into the abyss of happy; and if happy isn’t as satisfying as I imagine, then my flesh will take numb as a very close second.
I love that Paul lets us in on the fact that he had struggles. I find hope in the fact that Paul, who was a man who established churches, and instructed disciples, and even went to prison and was an eventual martyr for the faith, was found struggling within. In Romans 7:16 (MSG) Paul says “I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.” Despise Paul, really? Wow, me too!
There are days I can’t get the end of myself fast enough. And when I say the end of myself I am meaning the place where I’m done with me, my way, my way of thinking, my flesh, my, my, my!!! And I wonder if there are others out there with the same struggle? For I know deep within me that I am made for more, the more that Paul describes as he goes on in Romans 7:17. The more that transforms and takes down the power of sin, the power that moves me past my wants and desires into a place of acting in obedience to God, even it means turning off the TV, or taking down my Facebook page, or heaven forbid, not overindulging on sweets and carbs!
I long to be good… To be good enough, to be a good example, to please the world around me with my goodness, to somehow earn that good grade in order to reach the heavens (or if not the heavens, then the good graces of an invisible audience)… But the truth I have come to realize is that I can’t be good enough because I’m not called to be good (for God alone is good), but rather to be ready. And when I see through the filter of ready it helps me to see that Jesus knew we’d have struggles. He knew that we would battle our flesh daily and so instructed that we feed our spirit daily! And not to be “good little Christians”, but rather to be ready, alert, in position. He knew that I would be easily influenced and pulled in opposite directions, seeking gratification rather than the cross. So, Jesus “acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (Romans 7:23).”
I am being reminded that Jesus set things right, because on my own I can never have the power to overcome. Left to my own devices I will grow weary, filled with guilt and shame because of my lack of willpower against the temporal things that vie for my attention. But because Jesus came to set things right, He can be trusted to move me into position not because I’m perfect, but because I’m His.
Here is the thing… I need to examine my life and create scared spaces where I can connect with God, and stick with spiritual disciplines that will feed my spirit, not so that I can be good, or be better than everyone else, or so that I can give myself props for doing hard things; but rather so that I can be READY. Ready for the battle ahead, and the day ahead… Ready for the assignment, ready and within position, ready and awake, ready and alert!
And as a teacher and revivalist in this generation, the time becomes more urgent… the time becomes now! So, sweet one, let us put down our weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1). To endure… such a welcoming concept, and much harder to live out! It is the staying power, the will to stay in unpleasant or difficult situations without giving way. It is the stamina required to stay… to stay ready, to stay alert, to stay in position for the evil one longs to distract me, derail me, or delay me.
So here is to fasting my favorite shows, limiting my time on social media, creating new pathways in my brain that will bend me towards hitting the gym and putting down that second piece of cake. Here is to being still, coming in close, reading, and praying because these are foundations that build truth in my life. Here is to turning on the worship song instead of worrying myself to death, and watching the sermon online instead of reality TV. Here is to awakening to the potential of the day and aiming High!
Here is to amplifying Christ with my life!
Hey, can someone give that girl a mic?
“Let us rejoice and exult and give Him glory for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready;” Revelation 19:7