I know I’m not alone when I say that there are times recently where I have felt frustrated, alone, rejected, and filled with anxiety. I question what God is doing. Audibly I throw my hands in the air and tell God, “God, are you sure you REALLY know what you are doing?” I laugh as I type that because of course God knows what he's doing! I mean who am I to question our Creator? He made the heavens and the earth! I mean who else do you know that can do something that miraculous? But let’s be honest, when I’m in a season like this I can’t help but think, why?? Why does this season have to be so painful!?
So recently this has been my season. I wouldn’t necessarily blame it on the “pandemic.” I haven’t been “quarantined” anymore or not amid everyday people. I remember just feeling so lonely. Feeling at a place where I felt so rejected. Looking back, it wasn’t really something anyone was trying to make me feel like. It was just the enemy had taken one incident and twisted it all around to make me feel like I was not worthy. And y’all, I believed it, for a split second. It wasn’t until I had to fully surrender my situation to God. I had some conversations with some Godly women in my life where I realized the battle wasn’t between me and the world. The battle I was fighting was within myself. I honestly believe that one of God’s ways that he shows his love is through the people he puts in our lives and I’m truly blessed with the Christian women God has placed in my life! And believe me when I say God was reminding me everywhere in my everyday life. You know when you’re at church or listening to a sermon online or reading a devotional or bible verse and you’re thinking in your head “Ok God I hear you loud and clear!” That was just for me! Like I said I had let the enemy get into my head. But only for a second ladies! Because I remembered who I BELONG to! Who my Heavenly Father and my creator are! This summer I remember doing a bible study on the bible app called “Get out of your Head” by Jennie Allan. She stated how the Apostle Paul understood the war that takes place in our thoughts, how our circumstances and imaginations can become weapons that undermine our faith and hope. She then references 2 Corinthians 10:5 “take every thought captive to obey Christ.” I remembered reading that and suddenly it hit me. I can’t control what goes on in the world, but I can control how I respond to it because I walk everyday with the Spirit of Jesus in me! And because of that, I can take my thoughts captive.
I was sitting in my car worshipping on my way to work and this song came on. God always reminds me of his promises through my time of worship. This song that came on was called New Wine by Hillsong Worship. If you haven’t heard it. Go listen to it. After reading this of course! About two years ago I went on a Walk to Emmaus and this was the first time I had ever heard that song. When the worship team played it on my retreat I just cried and cried because it was in that very moment God kept whispering to me, “I have greater things planned for you my Princess!” Ever since then it has just been my life anthem song. This has been my prayer since then! In the song it says, “Make me a vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever you want me to be.” I do believe that this time in my life of rejection and loneliness is when God is making new wine out me.
I was having a conversation with an incredibly wise, good, sweet friend of mine. I was venting to her about how I was feeling. And she told me “Debra this is a time of pruning for you!” She told me how sometimes we think things are good for us in life, but God says NO and he takes things, people, situations away from us because we aren’t growing from them. In John 15:2 it says, “every branch in me that does not bear fruit, he takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, he prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.” I hadn’t looked at it that way. I was so consumed in my own crippling thoughts of how something was wrong with ME. I realized that it's not my job to try and make everyone like me or accept me. Ladies that is exhausting and stressful. Definitely not the way God would want me to live. I realized the only acceptance or approval I needed was from the one who gave his life for mine! Another dear mentor of mine said, “Rejection is redirection” Man that hit me! You see this season was hurtful and lonely, but it was also a time of being refined and redirected in the calling God had for me. God always knows what is best for us even when we don’t see it! It says in Psalm 145:9 “The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.” He knew I was hurting, and he has compassion, but he also has bigger plans for me. As hurtful as this season in my life was, I needed it! As much as I thought I needed certain people, things, or circumstances to make me happy. I quickly realized that I needed to go to God and find out what the root of this issue was. I was feeling this way because I needed to be in a place where I realized and remembered where my Joy truly comes from. No person or thing on this earth can do that but God himself. You see God places relationships in your life that Grow you and help you become the woman he called your to be. If those relationships aren’t growing you, he will remove it in order to get you closer to where he wants you. I don’t know about you, but I want relationships that spiritually feeds me. That directs me. That lifts me and encourages me!
So, friends, this is still my life song. It doesn’t matter where I am in my walk with God. I want him to prune me in every way possible. Even if I must go through a rough season. Even if I feel lonely or rejected for a split second. I want him to always be refining me. For me to grow spiritually I know there is a process of pruning. You see when wine is made in a vineyard, they literally must crush the grapes to get the “good stuff.” I want to keep receiving the “good stuff.” Jesus did say in John 15:8 “When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my father.” I want to know that my time here on earth I was a disciple for God because honestly nothing else really matters here in this world besides making sure I did what God called me to do!
So, my friends, my advice to you is when you are in a Season of Pruning don’t run. Don’t fear. Don’t feel as though you have lost the battle. Stay faithful and stand firm in his word. God shears away hazardous relationships, idols we may have, and thoughts that are dead so that he can show his Glory through a new vibrant pant. One that can bear much fruit! he does this because he loves us that much! Remember through your season on pruning that God has far better things planned for you. Greater than you can even fathom. In Jeremiah 1:5 it says, “Before I formed you in the womb I KNEW you, and before you were born I CONSERCRATED you; I APPOINTED you a PROPHET of the nations.” Next time you are in your pruning season I challenge you to lift your hands to God and claim that he is your true Vine. Go to him so that he can give you the nutrients and water to feed your soul so that you can bear much fruit! (John 15:1-6)